Do you know how to breathe?

As an anxiety sufferer, I am always looking for ways to calm my overzealous nervous system. One of the most valuable tools in my staying-calm toolbox is the deep breath. I love it. It makes me feel good and helps to keep my body and mind calm.

Breathing is something most of us rarely think about. Yet how we breathe impacts our entire body, including the cardiovascular, nervous, endocrine, lymph, immune, digestive, and respiratory systems. The fact is, many of us are walking around breathing incorrectly.

As babies we knew how to do it right. Our little infant brains told our little infant bodies to fill our lungs fully and completely by engaging the diaphragm. Have you every watched a baby sleep? Ever notice how his belly rises and falls with each breath? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. That’s what we all should be doing.

Somewhere along the way, most of us ditched the deep belly breath for a more shallow form of breathing, known as chest breathing. Chest breathers are using only one third of their lungs in the breathing process.

Why is this important? I mean, clearly we all achieving the ultimate goal of bringing the oxygen in and pushing the carbon dioxide out. So, why do we need to do anything different than what seems to be working just fine? Because fine isn’t good enough. Your lungs could be doing so much more for you if only you’d put them to good use.

Deep belly breathing carries a whole host of amazing benefits:

Reduces anxiety: Deep breathing oxygenates the brain, which reduces excessive anxiety levels and helps to clear uneasy feelings from the body. It ensure you maintain an optimal balance of incoming oxygen and outgoing carbon dioxide, which in turn slows the heart and reduces blood pressure.

Removes toxins: Deep breathing stimulates the lymphatic system, which is responsible for ridding the body of destructive toxins. Unlike your circulatory system which relies on the heart as its pump, the lymphatic system has no pump. It needs bodily movement to move the toxins around (and out). Breathing is the best pump for the lymphatic system. The act of deep breathing significantly improves the body’s lymph flow, thereby more efficiently dumping toxins.

Gives your immune system a boost: Powered by deep breathing, a well-working lymphatic system also helps ward off disease, as it contains elements of the immune system that are responsible for destroying cancer and other invaders. More, by breathing deeply, you pump more oxygen into your bloodstream, giving your immune system an extra boost.

Relieves tension: When your body is tense, your muscles are tight and your breathing is shallow. By replenishing your body with the oxygen it so desperately desires, the tension you hold in your body subsides.

Helps with chronic pain: By oxygenating the body and relaxing the muscles, feelings of pain often subside. And studies suggest that slower, deeper breathing can reduce the sensation of pain.

Improves digestion:  Deep breathing supplies the digestive organs with more oxygen, thereby improving the way your body digests food. It is also believed that deep breathing aids in the absorption of nutrients into the blood stream.

Aids in weight loss: You heard me right: aids in weight loss. Deep breathing creates changes in the nervous system, brain chemistry and hormone levels—all of which have been shown to positively impact weight loss efforts.

Promotes heart health:  Amazingly, the simple act of deep breathing can take loads of pressure off the heart by gently pushing blood throughout the system. In other words, when you breathe deeply, your heart doesn’t need to work as hard. Moreover, deep breathing has been shown to reduce blood pressure, which will also make your heart happy.

Helps you breathe: Seems obvious, right? Yes, deep breathing helps you breathe better and here’s why: the simple act of taking a deep breath strengthens your lungs; it, in essence, trains your lungs to improve its own capacity.

So, how do you do it? A few times a day, set aside five to ten minutes to practice some deep breathing exercise. Nothing fancy. Do it while you’re watching TV or waiting in line or lying in bed. Simply breathe in through your nose and fill your belly with air, watching it expand. That’s the key: filling the belly. Then exhale, fully and completely. “Empty out,” as they say in yoga. The more you practice thoughtful deep breathing exercises, the more your body will begin engaging your belly and diaphragm in its regular breathing pattern.

Deep breathing is so simple and its benefits are so profound. I, personally, have found it extremely useful in my everyday life. The moment I feel myself getting exacerbated with something (or someone), I breathe. The moment I feel my heart start to race, I breathe. The moment I feel myself getting upset, I breathe. The moment I step into a doctor’s office, I breathe. The moment I walk out the door into the fresh air, I breathe. The moment I put my head on my pillow, I breathe. Whenever I think of it, I breathe.

Of course we can’t walk around all day long constantly thinking about our breath. But by taking some time out of our day to ensure we’re giving our lungs some love, we are showing the rest of the body that we are committed to its well being.

More like this:

7 life lessons I learned from yoga

Reminders for the anxious soul

Acceptance

 

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photo source: freedigitalphotos.net

Cool Father’s Day gift idea plus special offer…

Now that Mother’s Day is over, it’s time to start thinking about Father’s Day. I often find myself banging my head against the wall when it comes to shopping for my husband. I can’t get him golf stuff because he’s very particular about what he wants/needs. I can’t get him clothes because he already has too many. I can’t get him tickets to a Red Sox game because Fenway is 5 hours away. Beer of the month club is out of the question; he’s only likes Heineken Light.

Lucky for me, I came across this cool site called datevitation.com that lets you create a custom coupon book for your loved one. And today I’m giving one away for free.

Here’s the dealio… this platform lets you choose from, then customize, five or more coupons from a bank of 350 “date ideas.” You create it online and they print it and ship it to you.

And so I did. And they did!

The cost of the book starts at $20. But for May and June when you use the code MOMSTEPH, you’ll get $10 off. What you’ll get is a one-of-a-kind book with the cover of your choice, a personal message page and five or more coupon pages customized to your liking. So a book of five coupons will only cost you a ten spot. Plus, one lucky winner will get a five-pager for free.

Cool, huh?

Here are the “date” ideas the boys and I came up with for my husband:

  • A round of golf with the boys: He’s always trying to get them out on the course with him. And up until now, they’ve always turned him down. Now all he has to do is turn in the coupon and they are required to hit the links with dad.
  • A poop-free yard: How great? At any given time, he can toss this little piece of paper at the boys and out they go, popper scooper in hand.
  • A bear hug from each kid, any time, any place. They aren’t as free flowing with the hugs when it comes to dad as they are with me. (I think it has something to do with his stubble). So now, no excuses.
  • Homemade chocolate chip cookies: My husband is always hounding me to make him his favorite chocolate chip cookies (his mom’s recipe, of course). I usually find some excuse for why I can’t make them, like “I’m out of vanilla extract” or “it’s too humid to bake” or “the oven is acting up.” Now, I’ll have no choice but to oblige.
  • An entire baseball game on TV that we will watch together as a family: Both of my boys play baseball. Yet neither of my boys will sit with my husband to watch a game on TV—and it drives him crazy. He just wants to be able to sit and watch a game with his sons. It’s been his dream since we found out our first born was to be a boy. So, now here we go. Pop some corm, throw on the Sox and settle in for some Green Monster action.

It was fun to make and the finished product is really nice.

Now for the freebee… click the link below before May 23rd to enter.

Enter to win a FREE datevitation coupon book!

Or get $10 off using promo code MOMSTEPH. Be sure to order by June 6th to get it in time for Father’s Day.

Click here to order your own.

Enjoy!

Inchworms

I had a lovely Mother’s Day. Got some nice gifts, found some time for a little gardening and enjoyed a nice meal with the Rents. If my day had included only those things, I would have been happy. Lucky for me, I got a little something extra. This year, my kids gave me an additional gift that required no pre-planning, no money and no obligatory we’ve-got-to-do-this-for-mom-or-else. My children gave me the gift of happiness.

Around mid-morning, just as I was finally getting those ignored pansies into the ground, the boys asked me if I would take them for a walk. At first I hesitated; I really had my heart set on spending the next hour gardening. I’d just gotten my hands nice and dirty and going for a walk meant I’d have to stop what I was doing, wash my hands and find and put on my sneaks. Somewhat reluctantly, I agreed.

I suppose we could use the exercise.

Just as we were about to leave, 8yo ran inside to get something. Annoyed, the big kid and I stood waiting for what felt like a year, wondering what the heck he was doing in there. Five minutes later, he came running out with a little tupperware container to “collect the inchworms from our walk.”

You know those times when your kids say or do something that makes you melt? This was one of those times for me. Any annoyance and frustration I had been feeling simply vanished.

So off we went on our walk, stopping at every telephone pole, tree and fire hydrant along the way gathering up the little inchies (as my boys call them). The sun was shining and the breeze was blowing. It was the perfect Spring day. The boys and I walked hand in hand, chit chatting about this and that (mostly about insects) and enjoying the beauty of our surroundings. Just the three of us, strolling along, happily. They were on their best behavior: no arguing, no running ahead, no I-changed-my-mind-and-want-to-go-home nonsense. They behaved perfectly. It was bliss. No Mother’s Day gift could have topped what I’d been given in that moment.

I loved it. I savored it. I soaked it in with every fiber of my being.

The simple beauty of that experience was a nice reminder of what happiness is made of. It’s not about the gifts or the dinner reservations or the “things” that money can buy. It’s about little nuggets of sheer perfection… sheer beauty…  sheer contentment that gently sneaks up on you in the midst of the mundane. And that is what my children gave to me this Mother’s Day.

Thank you, boys, for once again bringing me immense joy.

What she really wants for Mother’s Day

Dear husbands of the world,

Mother’s Day is quickly approaching and you may be wondering what on Earth to get the wifey this year. Don’t sweat it. I’m here to help you out; I can tell you exactly where you and the bambinos should focus your efforts this Mother’s Day.

For starters, skip the flowers… and the chocolates… and the jewelry. Sure those things are nice, but that’s not gonna do it. Those things are not what she REALLY wants. No… what she wants costs nothing at all. It’s simple, really.

She wants to wake up to happy children who want nothing more than to shower her with love.

She wants little teeth to be brushed and little hands to be washed—without her prompting.

She wants a doting husband who makes her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

She wants to not do the dishes… or the laundry… or cook dinner.

She wants to comfortably relax on the couch without feeling guilty about it.

She wants the toilet to be flushed and the toilet seat to be returned to its rightful position.

She wants to not referee any fights… or be a part of any.

She wants to be heard.

She wants kindness and thoughtful consideration.

She wants kisses and hugs.

Just for this one day.

She’s not asking a lot, you must admit. Think you can handle it?

Good.

So go now and have a powwow with the kiddos and get the wheels in motion. Give this amazing woman in your life a day where she can truly savor the beauty that is motherhood.

Acceptance

Acceptance. That’s my word of the week. Actually, the idea of acceptance is one that’s been rattling around in my head for quite some time now. But this week, I’m really embracing it and giving it wings.

Acceptance.

There’s this part of me that I’ve never liked. Hated, actually. For as long as I can remember, I’ve suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. This “thing” has always followed me around like a black cloud. Even as a child, I’d torment myself with all sorts of dreadful worries: What if my parents don’t come home? Do I have cancer? Will someone break into my house and kidnap me from my bed? Why does my stomach hurt?  What if I never find love? What if I never have kids? What if I die before I get the chance to find love or have kids? 

As I got older, that behavior persisted with the same level of intensity—well into my 20s and 30s. Now as I’m pushing 40 I have much of it under control thanks in large part to therapy, medication and some hard life lessons. But I’m still not where I’d like to be: I still worry about things outside of my control; I still occasionally experience debilitating panic attacks; I still doubt myself, often. Most days I’m proud of how far I’ve come, but when I have setbacks I beat myself up—big time.

Fact: I suffers from anxiety and panic disorder.

This notion has plagued me my whole life. It’s exhausting. And I’m tired of fighting against a reality that is.

So I’ve decided to do two things about it:

  1. Keep trying to rein it in
  2. Accept myself for who I am today

In the past, after I’d have a panic attack, I would eventually get to a point where I’d vow to never let it happen again. I would set my sights on that lofty goal and hold myself to it. Determined. But looking back, I realize that I was setting the bar way too high. As someone who’s spent a lifetime letting her anxious thoughts take control, pinky-swearing to kick this problem to the curb for good was simply not a promise I could keep; I was setting myself up for failure. And each time I’d succumb to “the monster,” I’d end up disappointed and angry at myself for being weak. That cycle repeated itself over and over again.

I am not doing that anymore. I have decided to cut myself some slack. I have decided to let myself off the hook. I have decided to give myself a warm, accepting embrace.

I will continue to seek out the path of calm; I will continue to look for ways to quiet my mind; I will continue to strive for emotional peace. But at the same time, I will accept the total package of me—anxiety and all. I will look within and remind myself that my anxiety is not the evil foe I believe it to be; it thinks it’s helping me. My panic attacks aren’t trying to pummel me to the ground with the force of a thousand giant wildebeests; they think they’re coming to my rescue. My reactive mind isn’t out to get me; it’s trying to protect me.

I need to make peace with that part of me. More than that, I need to make friends with it. I need to look inside and forgive the inner workings of my anxious mind rather than loath it. I need to stop trying to bully it; I need to stop letting it bully me. We need to coexist together. But at the same time, I will let my anxiety know that while I am accepting of it and choosing to love it as part of what makes me me, my goal is to, in time, give it more of a backseat role in my life.

I used to look inside and hate what I’d see. But now I choose to look inside with compassion, forgiveness and acceptance.