Dear husband of mine,
We’ve been married for 12 years now. In anticipation of our 13th wedding anniversary, I thought I’d give you an early gift: some helpful advice on how to keep me happy from now until eternity. So just for you, I have created this super instructive list. You’re welcome.
- Tell me that I look 24. And say it like you mean it!
- Naturally assume that every guy who looks my way secretly covets me.
- Take a class on the proper massage technique. (Settle down! Nothing kinky… just a good old fashioned deep tissue back massage.)
- Never smell like a walking cigar.
- Realize that the music you listen to is crap and the music I listen to is fabulous.
- Make sure I am never out of wine.
- Have phone conversations with me that last longer than 48 seconds.
- Be really happy for me when I come home from a shopping spree.
- Admit that you snore and don’t get mad at me when I forcefully jab you at 2 a.m. to shut you up.
- For the love of all that is Holy, THROW YOUR POPCORN BAG AWAY!
Now don’t go getting any ideas about creating a list of your own for me. There’s really no room for improvement on my end. I am, after all, a perfect wife.
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Please tell me that he eats microwaved popcorn, then leaves the bag on the corner 6″ away from the garbage can. Because that is soooooooo super.
That is exactly what he does. He puts the bag, with the empty coke can inside it, on the countertop just above the trash. I now believe he does it just to irritate me.
WTF is it about men that they leave their trash NEXT TO the garbage and their dirty (but rinsed off) dishes NEXT TO the dishwasher?
So glad to hear it’s not just mine. After 12 years of marriage, I’ve given up fighting this fight.
You make me laugh. He sounds like a fun guy
And now I am craving popcorn…
He is a fun guy. But he frustrates me to no end. But isn’t that what marriage is? Thanks, Stasha, for the fun prompt this week!
I’d like to add to #8 : “…and watch me put on a fashion show as I try on all my clothes for you – and act fascinated with and appreciative of my excellent sense of style.”
To which my husband would reply, “then do a strip tease when you’re done with each outfit.”
Hahahahhaaa! Your husband thinks like mine.
Aren’t they all the same, really?
This was funny! Yeah, most men don’t like long conversations, do they? I could’ve written this same list! Thanks for linking up with us over at #findingthefunny!
Haaahaaa…great list. Especially agreed with number 6 in CAPITAL LETTERS!
Yes, the wine is a must!
oooh, isn’t that dangerous?? writing a list like that about your husband?? I once asked my hubby if he would like to know all the things about him that annoy me, and when he responded by asking if I would like to know what about me annoys him, I decided that was something we were not going to discuss!!! If something does annoy me, I pretend I think one of the kids did it, and get mad while telling him about it! It works!!
I’ve never checked out your blog before, but I’ll be following you! thanks for following me and commenting, sorry you didn’t win the giveaway!!
Leanne @ http://www.becauseithinkican.com
I supposed it’s a good thing my husband doesn’t read my blog. Though, I don’t think much of this list would come as a surprise to him. But you’re right, many things are better left unsaid. Just not in my case… ha ha.
Thanks for checking out my blog!
I think these could almost all apply to my husband. The only difference is that he admits he snores. This doesn’t make him more happy at 2AM jabbing, though.
You know what, they are SOOO aggravating–even the GOOD ones! Of course the lesbians are even worse or I would consider changing teams…
I feel like I need to let you know that I was kidding because A. I am quite supportive of lesbians and 2. I just wanted to point out that our options are seriously limited. Just in case someone reads that and thinks that I am a big jerk…
…or worse–a homophobe…
ha ha… na, you’re not a jerk.
Can you imagine how easy love would be if we had that perfect person (man or woman!) who did EVERYTHING we wanted? Oh, a girl can dream.
SOOO dreaming! As I look at an empty popcorn bag from last night…
Could SO relate on so many of these, but definitely snorting over #2 (why oh why can’t he get the importance of that?!) and #8 (would never, ever happen, but so, so wish it would!).
ha ha… Can you imagine if our husbands were like, “honey, you went shopping for a new outfit today. That’s awesome! Good for you!”