Am I a good mom? Ask me on two different days and I’ll give you two different answers.
I acknowledge that there are some things that I feel I do exceptionally well as a mother: I maintain an open dialogue with my kids; I stress the importance of being honest, being nice, being polite and being accountable for their actions; I talk to them about right and wrong; I talk to them about God.
I encourage them to keep trying when they fail.
I am involved. I go to their every sporting event—and I enthusiastically cheer them on; I get down to their level and show an interest in things they’re into; I talk to their teachers when they’re acting up in school; I make it a point to know all their friends.
I teach them about what they should and shouldn’t be eating; I make them wear their helmets; I am a stickler for booster seats, even though many of their friends are no longer using them.
I hug them and tell them I love them, often.
BUT — and this is a big BUT– there are so many other aspects where I feel like I fall down on the job—where I look at other moms and think, wow, she has it all together and I do not.
For whatever reason, there are things that I do consistently that I know aren’t, shall we say, ideal. For example, I don’t make them read as much as I should; I occasionally let my 9 year old listen to PINK songs that include swear words; I have even been known to let the F-bomb drop myself (oops).
I often let my boys sleep with me if my husband isn’t around; I sometimes bribe them with crap candy; I’m not great about getting them to church on a regular basis (CCD doesn’t count).
I dont’ give them nearly as much as I should in the way of chores—simply because it’s easier to just do it myself; If I am too tired to care, I sometimes let them skip brushing their teeth before bed.
Oh yeah, and I yell.
No, I’m not the perfect mom —by far! Over the past nine years, I have constantly questioned my mothering skills. Some days I think, I am such a great mom. Other days, I think, I really suck!
But here’s where I’ve netted out on this whole good mom/bad mom issue: Nobody is perfect. Parenting is an especially difficult job. There is no education that prepares you for being a mom; there is an enormous learning curve. We all make mistakes. We are all good at some things and not so good at others.
I’m at the point now where I admit to my kids that I’m not the perfect mom. I will continue to try to step it up in the areas where I feel I’m not gold-star worthy. But I will also remind myself that I am really good at giving my kids love, teaching them about life and modeling for them how to be a generally good person.
Am I a good mom or a bad mom? Am I somewhere in between? I don’t know. What I do know is that I do the best that I can — and I’m okay with that.
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Imperfect mom to imperfect mom, show me some love and click below.
You are absolutely a good mom, just by the fact that you care if you are. Does that make sense? I think our imperfection leave enough space for our kids to have their own flaws without feeling shamed. They can learn how to keep trying after mistakes, how to say I’m sorry after being thoughtless or too mean. Fake, phony facades of perfection are bs. eltee at This Will Be On the (Parenting) Test.
Lisa, I love your take on it. It’s important for our kids to understand that nobody is perfect… that mistakes are part of life. But it’s hard to know you’re not the best at something. That’s just something we all have to deal with as we live life.
You are clearly a HUMAN mom, as opposed to being some sort of robot mom. PLUS you are the mom of boys, which is in a category of difficulty all it’s own. No one can be perfect all the time, and furthermore we shouldn’t try. Our children need to see that we make mistakes too, so they know it’s okay that they do. (That’s what I tell myself anyway!)
Thanks, Kathy. And yes, we are all human and flawed. I supposed it’s all about not trying to live up to perfection. Perfection probably doesn’t actually exist.
I think you sound “real”, which is so, so my style. I always have to tell myself–it’s not about being perfect, it’s just about being there. I definitely think Mom of the Year award is coming your way (you know I award myself with it daily
!)
Motherhood has got to be the hardest job on the planet. Thank God us moms have each other to keep us sane!
I can totally relate. And I, too, am a yeller. And I hate it. I feel like I’m getting a little better but who knows.
Yeah, I’m not proud of myself for yelling. But sometimes it’s just so necessary!
Just from knowing you through your blog I can tell you are a great mom. None of us is perfect. I yell too much. I don’t have enough patience. And I am all about the candy bribes when I need to be! I would much rather promise my kids a Dum Dum lollipop in the car if they leave the pool without a tantrum than carry out a 3.5yo screaming while everyone stares at me.
Being a parent is so freaking hard. SOOOO hard. But I think you’re doing a great job.
Thanks, JD. Right back at ya!!!
I totally relate! I actually just wrote a post on my blog about this subject. It’s SO hard sometimes, especially when the “perfect moms” make everything this easy. I think that everyone has their own way of mothering and who cares if it doesnt fit into the “ideal mom” mold! Stopping by from the blog hop! Am now a new blog and FB follower:) Would love if you could follow me back!
http://crazy-mama-drama.blogspot.com/
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Crazy-Mama-Drama/259491484156846
https://twitter.com/LoveMyMamaDrama
Thanks for stopping by, Brooke. I just liked you on Facebook. See you in cyberspace!
This is great! I think as long as we have happy, healthy, mostly well behaved children, then we are all doing our job!!! (I drop F-bombs sometimes too, so don’t feel to bad) Thanks for linking up with us on Friday, I’m a little late making the rounds, but better late than never!!!
I think the trick is to remember that nobody is perfect and that we all just do the best we can. Thanks for stopping by!
I am the wife of a man whose mother and step mother never made him do chores. We’ve been together for nearly 10 years and I’m STILL teaching him how to clean up his messes. I suggest you start giving them chores now, and your future daughter-in-laws will thank you.
Sadly, I too am the wife of a man who does zip around the house. And I recognize the fact that my kids need chores in order to not piss the shit out to their future wives. That is why I feel like crap for not having enforced it up until now. I am working on getting more strict with them about cleaning up after themselves. I wish, though, that I had started it sooner.