You meet that special someone, fall in love and get married. Soon, you begin having visions cute little ones prancing around the house being all adorable and stuff.
Then the times has come. You’re ready. You get pregnant and you’re all aglow. You can’t wait until that beautiful ray of sunshine arrives.
Then he does. And so does a good, hearty dose of reality.
My first born was such a good, well-behaved baby. So much so that hubs and I decided pretty much right away to go for another. When Mr. A was 11 months old, I got pregnant with D-Man. All was right in the world.
Until…
My cute, well-behaved baby become a toddler. There I was, big and preggo getting ready for another baby, while my now very active little nut job was getting into all sorts of crap, jumping off things, putting God knows what into his mouth, and so on.
Nobody warned me about the toddler years!
Want to know what else nobody warned me about? I’m gonna tell you anyway:
SpongeBob. Okay, Sponge Bob isn’t SO bad. But his laugh. Oh, that laugh is enough to make a woman run screaming from her house.
Play dates. You know, the high maintenance ones where either the kid is bored, constantly hungry, rude or just generally disagreeable. Yeah, those suck. That said, I do enjoy play dates at someone else’s house. Those are awesome!
Tooth Fairy inflation. What happened here? I used to get spare change under my pillow when I lost a tooth. Now my kids are looking for dollar bills — and not singles, mind you.
Living in filth. I have two boys. They are not the cleanest creatures on the planet, particularly after playing outside. In fact, there are times (many times) when I have to prewash them before the bath. Yes, prewash – just like setting you have on your washing machine. I have to wipe them down with a wet wash cloth BEFORE putting them in the tub. Filth.
Loads and loads of laundry. Of course, when they come inside wearing the outdoors, it’s not just their bodies that are covered in dirt. It’s their clothes, too. This is why I DO NOT buy white clothes for my kids. This is why I DO do buy lots of Oxyclean.
Bizarre sleeping arrangements. Here’s how a typical non-school night might go in my house: The boys climb into bed with me and talk me into putting on Good Luck Charlie or something. Hubs is downstairs watching baseball or football or basketball, depending on the time of year. By the time he comes up, the three of us are sleeping in our bed, at which point he retreats to the guest bed. He sleeps soundly. I do not.
Hours upon hours of drive time. Don’t get me wrong. I like my car. It’s spacious and comfortable and all that good stuff. But once 3:00 hits, I spend my afternoons driving from one activity to another. It’s not just the driving that makes me crazy. It’s the actives that take place in my car, like changing uniforms, eating and arguing, which ultimately turn my nice little Honda Pilot into a disaster zone. All this while my husband gets to drive around in a quiet car that is spotless!
The noise! My home is rarely quiet. By rarely, I mean never. The sounds coming from 
the house may include any of the following: Sponge Bob (as discussed); them sobbing and/or screaming; me sobbing and/or screaming; bodily noises (typically in the form of a fart or a burp), followed by laughter; cries of boredom or hunger or both, etc…
The frequent need for Advil. Oh yes, kids should come with free Advil. Who knew these little beings could cause such debilitating headaches? Well, I learned the hard way.
Okay, okay, they’re not all bad. I do in fact love my kids very much. I could write a post (and I probably will sometime soon) three times as long about all the things I enjoy about being a mom. Just not today. Today, I’m in venting mode. And so today you have a post of complaints.
Did I leave anything out?
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I was totally unprepared for the filth, laundry, frequency of tantrums, and mental gymnastics that would need to be done to convince my kids to do something.
Seriously! How could we have been so naive?
Oh, yeah…. I think other moms didn’t want us know…. Seriously… LOL I had done a lot of babysitting but that came no where close to cluing me in! LOL They had the bad until it’s too late. Misery love company and all that.
And if I hear “I’m hungry” one more time today…. SIGH… I feel like I’m feeding an army.
“I’m hungry” and “I’m bored” drives me absolutely insane!
Oh the dirt, laundry, chaos and noise of raising boys! Totally not prepared for the mental and physical exhaustion of it all. I have said many times that I expected life with kids to be like a happy Fisher Price commercial, but it’s so not!!
You’ve got twice as many kids as I do. So, you must feel it on a much larger scale than I do!
Oh the playdates, they sure don’t warn you about those!
No they do not. It’s so wrong!
Ha! So much to learn…
Julie @ Naptime Review
So true!
Tooth Fairy Inflation ~ no kidding…some kids in The Tater’s room get $10!!! WHAT! I was counting on quarters! Found you on the Blog Hop!
Yeah. Every time one of my kids gets a loose tooth, I need to run to the ATM machine. WTF?
I have so much respect for moms that space their kids 3 years apart. I would NEVER have gotten pregnant again if I had seen the toddler years first. NEVER. I think it takes a lot of guts to get pregnant while you have a 2 year old!!!
You were one of the most clicked links at last week’s #findingthefunny! We’re featuring you tomorrow, and I pinned this. Thanks for linking up!
Anna recently posted..How I Plan to Survive the Last Few Weeks of Summer
Wow, Anna. So cool! Thanks for giving us a place every week to show our funnier side!
Loathing, loathing, loathing the playdate right now. Seriously, who is this fun for? Some always has to throw a temper tantrum, and sometimes it’s even the kids…;)
Meredith recently posted..Stop Holding Your Breath
This is weird. I just found you, LOVE LOVE LOVE what you had to say so thought I’d subscribe. Twice I keyed in my email address and twice it takes me to a page that says “Are you sure you want to do this? Please try again”. What is that all about?
Oh this is a first! I’m replying to myself. (I don’t see an edit button and I know double posting is frowned on).
I just tried to subscribe a third time, using the window at the bottom of the page rather than the top and HEY! It worked. Happy dance going on here
Ugh, what a pain. Sorry about that! I don’t know what that’s about. I do know that when stuff like that happens to me, I get really annoyed. Thanks for continuing to try! Glad to have you!
Oh, the NOISE!! We have 5 boys in a trailer house, no basement. The noise makes my head spin! Great post – I’ve been following on FB for a while, and enjoy your blog. Tara, at YKIHAYHT is a great friend of mine!
Oh, your noise level must be a tad worse than mine. Geeze!
Thanks for following me. I follow you, too. I love your blog. You’re on my Blogroll!
Food – No one told me how much food two 4ft, skinny kids can eat. I need to take out a small loan to go to the store for a weeks worth of groceries, eaten mostly by the kids!